Silence is Everything
by Hunter Jade Slater
Summary: What if Cedric had someone he really needed to die for? What if he wasn't leaving this person, but joining them again? Rated T for a bit of language.
1. What's happening to me?

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the song Silence by Aly and AJ

Author's Note: This isn't a oneshot, it'll keep going. Just so you know.

**What's happening to me?**

He remembered laughing as she made faces whenever Professor Snape had turned his back, then reverting to a normal face when he turned to see what the commotion was all about. He remembered her bending over to examine something in the Black Lake, then jumping back and shrieking as it snapped at her. He remembered all the times she'd angrily chased after Peeves, hexing him, or been a smart-ass in class and get detention despite her great marks.

_What happened to that Jesse?_ Cedric asked himself sadly as he watched her sleep. Jesse had been sick for a while now, and getting steadily worse. He missed the sound of her guitar and voice breaking the silence in the Common Room when things got too quiet. He missed the smile she'd give when trying to explain to him one of her uncle's articles in The Quibbler, and shaking her head when he didn't get it. He missed the way she'd stand on her toes to get her cousin Luna's shoes down from the ceiling again, occasionally asking him for help when it was too high to reach.

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. She opened her mouth to speak, but coughed instead. When she regained her composure, she spoke.

"Cedric, when you get back to your dormitory tonight, there'll be something there for you, okay? I want you to know that even though I'm sick up here, I'm always with you wherever you go." Her shockingly blue eyes seemed more alert than since she'd first become sick, and her long, wavy black hair was tied back so it wouldn't get in the way of her face. He nodded.

"I'm sure you'll be out of here soon, though." he said, not sure if he was reassuring her or himself. Just then Madame Pomfrey came and shooed him away, and he squeezed Jesse's hand. He wanted to hug her or kiss her on the cheek, but Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let him, for fear that he would fall ill as well.

She waved at him as he stood and began to walk away. For reasons unknown to him, he felt tears begin to slide down his face as he descended the stairs towards the Hufflepuff Common Room. These tears were accompanied by the burdening feeling that he'd never see Jesse Lovegood alive again.

When he returned to his dorm, he found a small object on his bed. Recognizing it as a magical sound recording, he tapped it with his wand. His pain was freshened as her voice came spilling out.

"_I'll bet two years I'll bet one year_

_I'll bet those years you won't be here_

_I guess I'll keep, I guess you'll keep_

_Every memory_

_Sadly we may never be_

_I'll bet my tears I'll bet your tears_

_I'll bet those tears over time could disappear_

_Wait a minute I have more to say_

_and I can't reminisce need to me_

_I need you more than you'll ever know_

_I still do, willing to let it show_

_I need a minute just to get to you_

_I feel like I might be getting through_

_Come over and say nothing_

_Silence is everything _

_I know, I know_

_Feelings can show_

_If you let go-oh-oh-oh_

_It must be told_

_I've got a hold_

_On what we used to have_

_I will forgive if you forget_

_All the things we said_

_Let's accept it_

_I need you more than you'll ever know_

_I still do, willing to let it show_

_I need a minute just to get to you_

_I feel like I might be getting through_

_Come over and say nothing_

_Silence is everything"_

He was glad she'd made it for him. This sort of thing took a lot of concentration, and it was a real gift. But the happiness was bittersweet, for he knew what she meant by the song. She'd known she wouldn't last, and she wanted something for him to remember her by.

_Silence._


	2. Two Years Later

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own HP. The whole idea belongs to the lovely JK Rowling =)

**Two Years Later**

"Ced? Ced! Come on, we'll be late!"

Cedric sighed and laid the single yellow rose on the grave. He touched the name one last time and stood.

"Coming, Dad." he hurried to catch up with his father. Amos looked at his son with a worried and sympathetic expression.

"She'd want you to be happy, Ced. She'd know that this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for you."

Cedric nodded wordlessly. His dad pushed on, up towards the hill. It was several minutes before his dad called out,

"Over here, Arthur! Over here, son! I've found it!"

Cedric hurried to where his dad was standing. He noticed that accompanying the man his dad addressed as Arthur was Harry Potter, a girl with brown hair, and several redheaded kids, two of whom he recognized as the Gryffindor beaters. He said hello to the kids, however unwelcoming they may be, shook Arthur's hand, and watched as his dad chatted with Arthur.

"Are these all yours, Arthur?"

"Oh, no. Only the redheads. This is Ron's friend, Hermione-" the brown-haired girl, apparently, "-and this is Harry."

Cedric sighed inwardly as his dad did the whole scar routine. He loved his father, but he could be so embarrassing sometimes. Especially right now.

"One man stays on his broom, the other falls off, don't need to be a genius to tell who's the better flier!"

His dad really needed to stop with all the gloating. Harry was just a guy, same as Cedric. There had been Dementors on the pitch; it had been raining- the circumstances hadn't been in Harry's favor. And Cedric really couldn't care less if he had beat the Minister of Magic- Quidditch was Quidditch, and when it came down to it, everyone had the same fair chance at the game.

These were the thoughts that preoccupied him as he followed everyone to the Portkey. Kneeling, he put his hand on the old boot. A moment later he was jerked (quite literally) out of his thoughts as they were sent flying through the air. Another moment and they had slammed to the ground. He'd had experience with Portkeys before, and managed to stay on his feet, although most of the others didn't. And what he saw amazed him.

There were tents everywhere, some with extravagant add-ons, some looking like they could pass for Muggle tents. There were Ministry wizards running around everywhere, wearing odd assortments of clothing. Cedric knew how to dress like a Muggle, seeing as wearing robes to Hogsmeade and just around was rather burdening. Jesse, who'd made it a point to know these things, had dressed like a Muggle on weekends.

"_Jess, why do you wear Muggle clothes?" Cedric asked her, noting that she had her Ravenclaw tie tied in her hair rather than around her neck._

"_It's comfortable. Haven't you tried it?" she'd answered._

"_No, actually."_

"_Well, try it. It's more comfortable than always wearing robes."_

She'd been right. Like usual.

He shook himself out of his memories enough to hear the Ministry wizard saying, "…ask for Mr. Payne."

Cedric followed his dad to their campsite. There they were met by a rather suspicious Muggle named Mr. Payne. After a few moments' awkward chatter, a hassled looking wizard in a pink raincoat and basketball shorts arrived and wiped the site manager's memory.

After Mr. Payne had dazedly given them their change and a map, Cedric followed his father to their lot and helped him put up the tent. After they were finished, he took an unneeded tour of the inside. Three rooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen. They had bought this tent right before Jesse was supposed to turn fifteen so they could go camping for her birthday. They never got a chance to do it twice, because she fell ill right after. Now the extra room would go to waste. There was even a sign on the door that said, 'Stay out if you know what's good for you.' The other side of the sign said, 'You can come in, but KNOCK FIRST or your head shall be bitten off by the great Jesse.'

He smiled at the sign on the door, and opened it. The room had a faint presence to it, almost like she was still sitting in her chair, reading with her hair piled on top of her head, held there with her wand. Or she'd be lecturing him on the dynamics of the Wronski Feint, or the history of the goal hoops, or how the Snitch was based off a bird called the Snidget. He'd found all this out by reading Quidditch Through The Ages, but he'd felt he'd have gotten it through his brain better if she'd explained.

He laughed as a memory popped into his head. It was an image of him running with her on his back across the campground. They were laughing, and he put her down so she could climb the tree. He'd stayed under her to prevent her from falling, as she was prone to do. She had a knack for finding adventure, and then falling or injuring herself.

There was the time she'd fallen through the ice on the lake, and the time she'd gotten stuck hanging out a window, and no one would ever forget when she'd toppled over all the books on the shelf in the library, earning her a resounding lecture from Madam Pince.

A horn sounded outside the tent, once again jerking him from his thoughts. How long had he been sitting here? Time seemed to pass like it didn't matter anymore. Which it sort of didn't. Cedric heard his father calling from the front of the tent.

"Cedric, it's time! Let's go!"


	3. Did You See?

Disclaimer: It ain't mine! Don't eat me!

**Did You See…?**

The noise was deafening, the light blinding, but it didn't seem to affect him. He could only stare at his surroundings. He was outside of his surroundings, and yet in them. He felt unreal, dreamlike. The stadium was amazingly huge, and the light was bright as it reflected the gold walls. He looked around at the mass of people milling around him and was suddenly caught by the sight of one person.

She was sitting on the wall of the box, looking down at the pitch, her black hair pulled into a simple plait. She looked around and saw him, her blue eyes shining. She smiled at him, then he blinked and she was gone.

"Dad…hey, Dad." he said, nudging his father.

"Yes, Cedric?" asked his father, who had been looking in the same direction to see how many people were sharing the box with them.

"Did you see…?" Cedric squinted hard at the place she'd been.

"See what, son?"

"N-nevermind. The light must be playing tricks on my eyes." Cedric muttered. He was saying that partly for his father's benefit and partly his own.

The rest of the match was spectacular, with Bulgaria getting the Snitch, but Ireland winning. Cedric had never seen a more fast-paced match in his life. There had been several crashes, a couple fouls, and way too many Veela for Cedric's safety. A lively debate about all things Quidditch led Cedric and his father back to their tent, where they stayed up late into the night. It wasn't till well after midnight that the trouble started.

The singing outside abruptly stopped then turned to screaming. Cedric and his dad stopped their debate on brooms and poked their heads out the tent flap. What they saw wasn't pleasant.

About thirty people, all in masks, were parading around, burning tents out of their way. Four Muggles were suspended above the group, and they were being spun and tossed about in the air like leaves on the wind. Behind them was a trail of destruction, burning like leaves in a fireplace.

"Cedric! Go into the woods, I'll go help sort this out!" his father said. Cedric complied and hurried towards the edge of the woods. He rushed along the path, keen to get himself as far away from the Death Eaters as he could. When he felt he was far enough away, he stopped and leaned against a tree, trying to catch his breath.

He heard someone rushing along the path unevenly. He felt someone's hands on his arms. There was a whisper in his ear, _"Get back!"_, and he was dragged backwards as a Death Eater hurried along the path, unmasking. It was Lucius Malfoy. He quickly Disapparated, and Cedric turned to see his rescuer. No one was there. He didn't get to look around to see if they were still around somewhere, because at that moment something glittering and green erupted into the sky. Cedric wasn't able to get a clear view of it through the trees.

The hands were there again, and the voice.

"_It's safe," _the voice whispered. It was definitely feminine, he realized. _"Your father is looking for you. Go to the campsite."_

They pushed him in the direction of the campsite, and he looked over his shoulder. No one. But he wasn't alarmed. He wasn't afraid. Instead he smiled to himself, and hurried along the path back out to the campsite.

"Cedric! You're safe!" his dad was hurrying towards him looking utterly relieved. "Thank goodness you're alright."

"Dad…what was that?" he asked his dad. "That green thing?" Amos shook his head and hurried his son towards where the tent was.

When they entered, Amos sighed and sat wearily in a chair. "That was the Dark Mark, Cedric. You won't remember it, because the last time it was seen was thirteen years ago, when you were four. It's You-Know-Who's mark."

"Why was everyone afraid of it?"

"They sent up that sign when they aimed to kill, Cedric." his father said carefully. "Imagine coming home from work one day and finding it over your house, knowing your worst fear is waiting inside."

Cedric remained quiet, and his father continued.

"When the Death Eaters saw that sign tonight, they Disapparated because they were afraid. They went through a lot of pains, lying low, making up stories, to stay out of Azkaban. If he were to come back, I don't imagine he'd be very happy with them," he sighed again. "But now, time to sleep. We'll catch a few more hours, then get an early start back home."

Cedric nodded and stood. When he climbed back into bed, he fell into a restless sleep.

_He was walking along a path. It seemed familiar, although he didn't know how. He turned a corner and saw a house. A beautiful, fairytale house, with green shutters and a big, sweeping garden. His house, something in the back of his mind told him. He'd never seen it before, but it was his._

_His contentedness turned quickly to alarm and cold fear as he saw the front door was blasted open. The Dark Mark was hovering over the house. He hurried to the front door and through the hole that was blasted in its perfectly blue paint. There were scorch marks on the golden-orange walls, and several paintings were tattered on the floor. He entered the kitchen. Several pots and pans were scattered on the terra-cotta-tiled floor, the metal twisted as though melted, everywhere. In the middle of the floor was a body._

_It was a young woman. Her black hair fanned out behind her, contrasting with the earthy red of the floor. Her pretty face was astonished and afraid. Her shockingly blue eyes were vacant; staring up at a ceiling she would never see again-_

"Cedric. It's time to wake up."

Cedric woke to the sound of his father's voice with a start. Amos was standing in the doorway, looking in. "Get dressed and pack up quickly, so we can leave as soon as possible."

Cedric complied, finally glad to get away from the site.


	4. Your Guardian Angel

Disclaimer: It's not mine. Just Jess.

Author's Note: Sorry, I forgot all about it. But here's the update! Short short short!

**Your Guardian Angel**

Cedric stared at Dumbledore with an incredulous stare. This couldn't be happening. But the faces of his fellow Hufflepuffs told him that he wasn't dreaming or hallucinating. Besides, if he _was _dreaming or hallucinating, _she'd_ be there, and she wasn't.

So Dumbledore just canceled Quidditch for the whole year? He was mad! Quidditch was the livelihood of the school! It-

Cedric's thoughts were interrupted by Dumbledore. His indignation turned to awe and excitement. The Triwizard Tournament? Now that would be interesting enough to take the place of Quidditch. Cedric fixed his eyes on the old man as he continued.

As Dumbledore went on, one of his Quidditch teammates nudged him in the ribs. "Reckon you'll try it?"

Cedric shrugged. "Maybe I will."

That night, Cedric dreamt of Jesse again.

"_I think you should do it." They were walking along an old path behind Cedric's house. She fixed her eyes steadily on him, not fearing the path ahead. She was dead, after all. _

"_Come again?" Cedric was just slightly confused. He flicked a glance at her, then turned his attention back to the path in front of him._

"_The Tournament, you idiot!" Jesse's face was wry. "I think you should do it."_

"_Oh, well…" Cedric thought for a moment. "I suppose I could. Dumbledore said that the death toll was way down now." Not that it mattered._

"_I know. I was there."_

"_You were-" Cedric stopped. "What?" She rolled her eyes and waved her hand in front of his face._

"_Wake up, Cedric."_

"Mmm…"

"Wake UP, Cedric!"

Cedric's eyes snapped open to one of his dorm mates staring him in the face.

"What?"

"Get up, you'll be late for class."

Cedric rolled out of bed and got ready for the day. But before he went down to breakfast, he took a little scrap of parchment and a quill and wrote his name down. He decided it wouldn't be all that much trouble, and there was a huge chance he wouldn't get chosen anyway. He watched as several Durmstrang boys, including Viktor Krum, entered their names. Krum didn't look afraid or nervous. He didn't really look like he was feeling anything at all. As he was hesitating, Fleur Delacour fluttered her way up to the Goblet, stood on her toes, and primly dropped her fancy parchment in.

Cedric decided if she could do it, he most certainly could. He crossed the Age Line with some trepidation, and when it didn't reject him, he walked up to the Goblet. He could feel the heat radiating off it in great waves smelling of burnt paper. He looked down at the even handwriting that spelled his name. _Cedric Diggory- Hogwarts_. Now that he was here, it seemed different. The blue flames intimidated him- he could feel the sweat rolling down his face- or was that just the heat?

Cedric felt as if he'd been standing there for ages, rather than just a minute or two. Sucking up his courage, he reached up and let go of the slip.

As he watched the piece of parchment go into the flames, he thought he saw something odd. In a flicker of fire, he thought he saw a girl in the shadows. A pretty girl with long black hair. She flipped it back and smiled at him, applauding him soundlessly. Cedric tried to move towards her, but in the next second she was gone. He blinked, a little confused, and looked around. No one else had seen her. Of course they hadn't..

Shaking his head, he went into the Hall.


	5. Falling Apart

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling.

A/N: This chapter is also short.

**Falling Apart**

Cedric found the rest of the day passing quickly after he put his name into the parchment. He thought of Jesse less and less as the day passed. He began to flirt with girls out of his new self-confidence, especially Cho Chang. She was pretty, no doubt, but it was also obvious that Harry Potter liked her too, and Cedric wanted to give the man a chance.

The day flew by like nothing, and all too soon, it was Halloween, the day the champions were going to be chosen. He sat nervously with his friends, watching Dumbledore intently. Dumbledore, in turn, was watching the Goblet intently. Cedric was just wondering when something would happen when the flames turned orange red, like usual flames, and spit out a small piece of parchment. Dumbledore caught it as it fluttered down, and read the name aloud.

Viktor Krum was the Durmstrang champion. Cedric had figured as much. Famous Quidditch star and all that. He didn't look too badly off, he seemed like he had a fair chance. He had to be older than Cedric was, and he was definitely used to dodging things that were trying to injure him.

The Goblet turned red again and a hush fell over the crowd. It spit out a fancy and familiar-looking piece of parchment. Dumbledore turned it several ways before being able to read it.

Fleur Delacour was the champion for Beauxbatons. She was the one who looked like she might be part Veela. Cedric could feel the wind as every male head in the hall turned. But Cedric didn't feel any sort of attraction to her, past the first time he'd seen her. He'd spoken to her enough to know that she was haughty and air-headed.

Now time for the Hogwarts champion. The flames went red one more time and spit out another piece of parchment. Cedric thought he was hearing things when his name was called. But all his friends started cheering and clapping him on the back, so he smiled and walked up to the Headmaster, shaking his hand and going through the door off the hall into a dark room with a roaring fire in its grate.

Fleur and Krum were there, standing silently. They looked up and congratulated him as he walked in. He thanked them quietly and was just starting to get used to the silence when it was broken.

It was Harry Potter, and several of the teachers afterward, including Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, and Moody. Cedric was confused as Dumbledore held Harry roughly to one of the tables. It became clear, however, when he began questioning.

Another Hogwarts Champion? It couldn't be possible. Cedric began to feel a tiny sting of resentment towards Harry. Hufflepuff had suffered plenty- it was time for them to get some glory. But the Gryffindors could help but come along and ruin their chance, now could they?

However, as the questioning went on, it became apparent to Cedric that Harry had no idea why his name had even gotten into the Goblet. But a contract was a contract, and Harry was in.

After Harry had confirmed several times that he hadn't put his name in the Goblet, the teachers let him go. Cedric looked after him as they left the room with mixed feelings. He had no idea what to expect next. Things never seemed to go quite right in Hogwarts, and this just seemed to be another fluke in the planning. Hopefully it would turn out all right in the end.

As he walked to the Hufflepuff Common Room, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw nothing but a quick flash of motion, as if someone was hiding behind the corner and didn't want him to know they were there. He heard giggling, but saw no one. He turned back around and headed back on his way. Again, footsteps. A flash of motion, and giggling. And again.

All the way to the Common Room, Cedric felt the pressing sense that he was not alone.

That night, he dreamt of Jesse for the first time in weeks.


	6. Caught

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Jesse belongs to me.

A/N: I'm sorry if my timing in the story is off. And as of 4/22/09, I'm going to go back and add more to the other chapters. So you might want to reread them sometime soon.

**Caught**

"_Why'd you forget about me, Cedric?" Her blue eyes were sad and wistful. _

"_I didn't forget," he said, shocked. "I'd never forget."_

"_You did," she pressed. "I know you did." Tears spilled from her eyes. "You forgot about me because of Cho Chang."_

"_I- I didn't-" he stammered._

"_You like her," she accused. "More than you liked me."_

"_I don't, I swear!" he said desperately. He looked down at his hands. Why was he holding a bible? He looked around at his surroundings. They were standing alone in a courtroom._

"_Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" Jesse whispered._

"_I do," he promised desperately, falling to his knees. "Just don't leave again."_

_But it was too late. As he had spoken, she had faded away, leaving nothing behind but the echo of her sobs and a pool of tears on the floor._

Cedric woke, yet again, in a cold sweat. The dreams had been coming on strong ever since October. It was late November now. They had been getting worse each time. Each time, his own consciousness was telling him things he had done wrong to her memory. In truth, he had forgotten about her because of Cho. The shame of forgetting about his best friend, dead or not, washed over him like a tidal wave, nearly knocking the breath out of him. After the announcement of the Yule Ball, he had immediately gone to Cho and asked her to go with him. She had said yes, and Cedric had gone on his happy way, not thinking at all about any consequences.

He hadn't thought there would be any consequences- but then again, he hadn't been taking anyone else into mind. It had been a semi-snap decision. Semi because he'd liked Cho for a while, but he hadn't been actually planning to ask her to the ball. He hadn't taken into account the countless boys that admired Cho, including Harry Potter. Nor had he taken into account the fact that he seemed to be shadowed by an echo of Jesse wherever he went. He didn't mind the dreams as much as one might think- he loved being able to see her face- but the accusations she posed to him were not only hurtful, they were also true.

Cedric looked down at his hands. They were trembling. Everyone though Cedric Diggory was so strong, so brave- ha! If only they could see him now, reduced to shudders by a dream of his own best friend. He wasn't brave. He was a coward, hiding behind the walls of his 'feats'.

Standing, he ran a hand over his face, turning to the calendar on the wall. Cedric liked to check off the days of the year as they went. It was an odd habit, but he did it every morning, nonetheless. As he raised his quill to mark off the day, he happened to catch notice of the date. He almost had to sit back down again as it hit him.

He quickly made a small X, rather than a large one, across the date, laid down his quill, and went to his trunk. He opened it and went to the very bottom, where there was a hidden compartment. He pressed into the sensitive spot and the bottom sprung open. Out of it, he gingerly lifted a photo album, a faded pair of blue jeans, an even more faded blue blanket, and the recording Jesse had made for him.

Opening the album, he looked over the familiar writing and photos on the first page. The first thing on the page was the same date he had noticed on the calendar, sixteen years ago. Under this, in Xenophilius Lovegood's slightly loopy handwriting, was:

_On this date, Jesse Grace Mariangela Lovegood was born_

_to_

_Konstantinos Lovegood and Adelina Buonarotti Lovegood_

She would have been sixteen.

Under that was a picture of baby Jesse, asleep. To the right of that was a picture of her mother in the hospital bed, holding baby Jesse, this time awake. Her mother was just as beautiful as Jesse was, with long black hair to match. Her father had light brown hair and blue eyes.

He turned the page and saw a picture of two grinning kids, arms around each other, sitting side by side on a wall. Cedric had his two front teeth missing. Jesse had short hair because it had gotten into a potion her aunt, Luna's mother, had been brewing, and had to be cut off.

Under that was a lock of the ruined hair, partially blue, compared with a lock of her regular hair, deep black. Cedric touched it, feeling hypersensitive.

The next few pages were of her years at Hogwarts. A couple of dried flowers were on one page- a yellow rose, an orange daisy, and something neither of them had ever really known the name of from the greenhouse.

Cedric felt a sense of foreboding as he turned the page. It was a picture of the two of them, shortly after Jesse's fifteenth birthday, sitting in a tree during their camping trip. Side by side, arms around each other. Jesse with normal-colored, long hair. Cedric with all his teeth. That was where the album ended. And shortly after that, her life had gone with it.

He picked up the pair of blue jeans. Her favorite pair, drawn all over with designs and words. He examined them and something caught his eye that he'd never seen before. Scrawled just above the right knee was, _CEDRIC! I LOVE YOU!_

How had he missed that?

The blanket was just as soft as it had been the day she was born. It was a blanket for a grown person, but it had been given to her as a baby, with the hope that it would stay with her for the rest of her life. It had. But not as long as hoped.

Finally, Cedric picked up the recording. He held it for a long moment, wondering whether he wanted to listen to it or not. Finally, he set everything back in the trunk, closed it, and dressed to go down to breakfast.


	7. Light On

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**Light On**

The first thought Cedric had walking in the doors of the Great Hall was, _Are they trying to blind me?_

As he adjusted to the whiteness around him, he realized that it was just ice. Everywhere. More ice than Cedric had ever seen in his life. Ice made up the benches and tables; there were sculptures everywhere, and the enchanted ceiling was an icy blue. It was a rather nice change from the usual dark stone and red fires. He found a big smile spreading over his face.

It dawned on him that everyone thought he was smiling because of his success in the tournament and with Cho. But he was smiling because the vast majority of the ice was the same color as Jesse's eyes. The irony of it all made him want to laugh, and he did.

Cho smiled too, having no idea what was making Cedric so much happier than usual. He was much deeper than everyone thought he was, but he never shared everything. She cared for him deeply, and she would give a lot to know what was bothering him all the time. If he didn't want to share, however, that was fine.

As the music started up, Cedric started whirling Cho around, his odd giddiness growing. Many people, including most of the students, didn't know that Hogwarts had a Chorus, Band, and Orchestra. Jesse had been in Chorus. She had often lamented in the lack of theatrical performances. She loved to dance. She would have loved this ball.

After several minutes more of dancing, Cedric went to get drinks for Cho and himself. Despite the multitude of ice, it was getting quite warm. The ice wouldn't melt, of course, but Cedric felt like he might. As he gathered up two glasses of punch, the director of the Hogwarts Chorus hurried over.

"Mr. Diggory!" The small man chirruped. Cedric smiled at him. "Spectacular performance on that dragon! Miss Lovegood would have been most proud of you, I'm sure."

"So am I, sir," Cedric sighed.

"It is on that thought that I am approaching you. I wanted to give this to you," he handed Cedric a thick purple envelope, addressed to him in silvery script. "Now I must get back to the music."

"Yes, sir," Cedric answered vaguely. He opened the envelope, and out came a thick piece of lavender parchment. A memorial service for the one-year anniversary of Jesse's death. His previous high starting to wear off, he returned to Cho and handed her the punch. She took it gratefully, sipping it. She wore a calculating expression. "Is something wrong?"

Cedric sighed again, looking down at the invitation, then back up at Cho. He cared for her, enough to let her know some of his secrets. He handed her the parchment while he sipped his own punch. She read it silently.

"I remember her," Cho said quietly. Cedric was shocked for a second, then remembered that Cho was a Ravenclaw as Jesse had been. "We weren't great friends, but we got on well." She looked right up into Cedric's eyes. "Is this what's been bothering you all this time? If you ever want to talk about her, you can, you know. I won't be offended or anything, because I know she was special to you. But you don't have to hide."

Cedric sat, supporting his head in his hands. How could he explain to Cho how it felt to lose the most important thing to you? How to sit through a funeral, how to accept hundreds of people saying the same thing over and over again, thinking it was helping but really making it worse? How could he explain the way it feels to be completely exhausted but by the time you go to bed, you can't sleep and stay up all night crying to try and fill up the empty reservoir in your body? How could she understand the battle going on inside him at this very moment, between himself and himself? He wanted to be with Cho- on the other hand, it felt like a great insult to Jesse's memory.

There was just no way to do it.

"I wish I could tell you what I'm thinking, but I don't even know how to put it into words," Cedric told her finally. "I'm not really sure how to explain it to myself. But thank you for your concern."

Cho nodded, her expression a mix of sympathy, confusion, and something Cedric couldn't really put his finger on. She sat down next to him, crossing her ankles. Cedric stared into his cup, swilling its contents around as he thought. The happiness from before had faded completely.

"Would you like to dance some more?" Cedric finally suggested, keen on changing the subject. Cho looked around at him with another odd look on her face. It was kind of an awkward question, he supposed, but it was the best he could come up with at the moment.

After another moment's pause, Cho replied, "I suppose."

Dancing wasn't really that hard. But that fact only meant that you had more time to think.

-x-x-x-x-x-

It was late by the time Cedric trudged up the stairs to his dormitory. His dorm-mates were chatting excitedly around him about the ball. Mainly, the girls at the ball.

He was too tired to realize there was light spilling from under the door. The first boy to reach the door, Damien Key, pulled it open and led the others inside. "Did you leave the light on, Ced?"

"Wha…? No," Cedric replied sleepily.

"Well, the one by your bed is on, and I didn't turn it on."

Cedric turned towards his four-poster. Indeed, the light on his bedside table was on. "I know I turned it off when I left," Cedric said bemusedly.

The other boys shrugged and various versions of "I didn't touch it" issued from their mouths.

"Maybe I didn't turn it off…" Cedric said, more for their benefit than his. Because at that moment he spotted a photo propped up in front of the light. It was the smiling picture of him and Jesse in a tree. He smiled to match the one in the picture, changed into his pajamas, and went to sleep.


	8. Wonderful

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the song "Wonderful" by Everclear. However, I did edit it a little bit. I'm sorry.

A/N: I know this chapter is a little different from the rest, but I was inspired.

**Wonderful**

Cedric sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. He was the only one in the dorm- the rest were in the Common Room. He should have been studying his egg, but instead he was listening to a Muggle song magically converted into his radio.

_I close my eyes when I get too sad._

_I think thoughts that I know are bad._

_I close my eyes and count to ten,_

_hope it's over when I open them._

He did close his eyes, feeling the weight of his head between his hands and the pressure of the egg sitting on the bed next to him.

_I want the things that I had before,_

_like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door._

_I wish I could count to ten,_

_make everything be wonderful again._

If only it were that simple. The world would be much better if it were. But nothing was easy like that.

_I hope my mom and I hope my dad_

_will figure out why they get so mad.  
I hear them scream, I hear them fight._

_They say bad words that make me want to cry._

Things had been getting strained at home ever since Jesse's death. She, Luna, and Xenophilius had been the last Lovegoods alive. Now it was only two.

_I close my eyes when I go to bed_

_and I dream of angels who make me smile._

_I feel better when I hear them say_

"_Everything will be wonderful someday."_

Wasn't that the truth? But the world would never be perfectly wonderful again, because of the beauty lost. It was like taking some flowers away and saying that the garden was exactly as beautiful as it had been before. It was still beautiful, but not as much.

_Promises mean everything_

_when you're little and the world's so big,_

_I just don't understand how_

_you can smile with all those tears in your eyes._

_Tell me everything is wonderful now._

Promises…. all those promises he'd made. He'd kept them to the most extent he could, even now she was gone. He never threw his books on the floor, he never put his inkwell next to his right hand, and he never poked a sleeping owl. He'd also promised he'd go through with the tournament, and he would.

_I go to school and I run and play._

_I tell the kids that it's all okay._

_I laugh a lot so my friends won't know_

_When the bell rings I just don't want to go._

He hadn't gone home over Christmas because of the ball, but what about Easter? He wouldn't have an excuse for that. He wanted to stay at Hogwarts. Maybe his parents would understand that.

_I go to my room and I close my eyes._

_I make believe that I have a new life._

_I don't believe you when you say_

_everything will be wonderful someday._

_Promises mean everything _

_when you're little and the world's so big._

_I just don't understand how_

_you can smile with all those tears in your eyes_

_when you tell me everything is wonderful now._

_No, no._

_I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now._

He was so sick of hearing that it was going to be all right. Okay. It wasn't going to be all right! No, it was NOT going to be okay! These idiots had no idea how to cope with grief!

_No, no._

_I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now._

_No, I don't want to hear you say that I will understand someday!  
No, no, no, no_

_I don't want to hear you say you both have grown in a different way!_

_No, no, no, no!_

_I don't want to meet your friend!_

_And I don't want to start over again!  
I just want my life to BE THE SAME_

_just like it used to be!_

_Some days, I hate everything,_

_I hate everything,_

_EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING,_

_PLEASE DON'T TELL ME EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL NOW!_

_NO!_

_PLEASE DON'T TELL ME EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL NOW!_

_NO!_

_PLEASE DON'T TELL ME EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL NOW!_

_NO!  
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL NOW!_

_NO!_

_Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now._

Cedric found himself singing along to the end of the song. He was so sick and tired of being told it was okay, because NO! It was NOT OKAY!

He punched his pillow as hard as he could, and surprisingly, it was satisfying. His fury faded as quickly as it had come, and as it left his body, he felt tired, as if his anger had physically weakened him. He sat for a minute more, then decided to take a bath to calm himself down. As he was about to head out the door, he paused, and on a whim, grabbed his golden egg.

The hot water might help him think, after all.


End file.
